The New Moon Reviews

Posted on November 22, 2009
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Since everyone wants to see it, here come the reviews?

You teenie boppers and vampire…people, might want to take notice, it comes out Nov. 20th, and the New Moon reviews are starting to pour in. The consensus among critics is that the film – you’ll have to pardon the pun – really BITES. (As if I wasn’t going to make that joke?) Rotten Tomatoes along some of the really big reviewers have decided that the novelty has worn off, and are giving the film a hiding. Maybe payday loans for camping gear, to camp out for tickets were a waste.

Rotten Tomatoes

Even though some feel that Rotten Tomatoes is hit and miss at best, it’s one of most popular review sites for film on the internet.The New Moon reviews on RT average to a 30% score.That’s unflattering, to say the least. Some comments from the New Moon page at RT describe the film as “toothless,” “the second bite was stale,” and one of my personal favorites, “if the first installment…was a celebration of teen sulkiness, this film positively drowns in it.” For some reason, I’m waiting for a two word review to come out saying something like…”Lame Moon.” (Hello Cleveland!)

Roger Ebert and others

Roger Ebert, though he is at times far too kind to some films, didn’t spare the rod, or anything else when it came to this film. He gave it one star from four, and one and zero star films are the ones that he pulls no punches with, and those are frankly the most entertaining of his reviews. From his own website:

“New Moon…takes the tepid achievement of Twilight, guts it, and leaves it for undead.”

“The characters in this movie should be arrested for loitering with intent to moan…Their charisma is by Madame Toussad.”

In case you wondered, Madame Toussad’s is a famous museum, or to the point, perhaps the most famous wax museum in the world.

“…sitting through this experience is like driving a pickup in low gear through a sullen sea of Brylcreem.”

Harsh! MTV’s Kurt Loder seemed to like it, saying the film was an improvement over Twilight BUT that “It’s a very silly picture, of course: Given the source material – Stephanie Meyer’s blathery teen novels – how could it not be?” and Kirsten Stewart was a good actress in a “wooden role.”

Of course some critics did like it, but heaping praise on a movie that’s already popular and getting huge box office gates is too easy, and not nearly as fun as trashing it.Some critics are egregiously obvious shills, and all are hit and miss by nature. (The movie critic in my hometown paper, for instance – oh, you know who you are, and an adult who only gives 4 star reviews only to Disney films is obviously in need of psychological evaluation.) I’m not using quick cash for New Moon tickets, but if you listen to critics, and the New Moon reviews are accurate, you might want to wait for the DVD.